Its' true, I hide behind the camera and my job is the perfect excuse for that. So let me just drop my guard for a while and tell you a little bit about why I am a photographer and why I love what I do.
I meet so many fabulous, brave, courageous and inspiring women on a weekly basis and I see how they really step up on the day of their photo session, despite their nerves, their anxieties, their self doubt and insecurities. We often have very frank discussions in the studio (I always say what's said in the studio stays in the studio) and I have learnt so much from these women and been so inspired by them. We have many things in common - working, bringing up families, relationship issues, being pulled in many directions and often an overriding feeling of never being good enough - in our appearance, in what we do for others, in many areas of our lives.
My journey into portrait photography began when I was hearing the same thing over and over - I am not photogenic, don't photograph me, I need to loose some weight. All of which I totally get. Constantly drawing attention to their perceived flaws and self belief that they are not good enough. I wanted to show these women that they are in fact beautiful, that to spend a day being spoilt and having some lovely images that reflected back to them what their friends and family could see was not a vain thing to do, that it could help them open their eyes to the way everyone else sees them, but most importantly to help see themselves in a more positive light. It's a step towards feeling more confident and to celebrate everything we have right now, not some ideal version of ourselves that we imagine we must be.
I never imagined the impact it would have on me, that their journey would become my journey too. These conversations, the openness and trust I have been shown has completely changed me. It's been a bit of a shock to be honest. I have had to look at my insecurities, my struggle with getting older, my struggle with never being good enough - personally and professionally. Their complete trust and honesty, messages and thanks, has reduced me to tears on several occasions and inspired me to write this. I am not known for letting anything personal out into the world so just writing this has been a challenge for me.
I want to thank each and every one of you for trusting me - because it has had a massive and positive impact on my own personal development. When you truly believe something you have to practice what you preach!! I am learning to love my wobbly bits and have even decided to go and have a photoshoot of my very own, so that I can identify better with what all you lovely ladies are experiencing and learn to be kinder to myself. For a while I looked in the mirror and called myself an ugly old b*****. I have stopped that negative, awful behaviour, but reprogramming takes time and effort. To all of you out there reading this and struggling with any aspect of your life I wish you much love. Confidence is a journey and we must take it step by step.
This is a message one beautiful client sent to me. It is my "why".
"When you lose your way Kate remember what you do this for ! You are amazing at what you do and your gift for helping people is just that, a gift! Thank you for being there !x"
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